For the last few years I have been working at a leisurely pace to make my way through a degree in psychology and politics. But, really – who gives a fuck about trivialities such as society or people? So, after some basic cost-benefit analysis, I decided to do what any sane person would do: procrastinate my studies and instead start writing comedy and absurd shit nobody cares about.
On this site you will find my short stories, which uniformly revolve around someone being killed. Additionally, I have an upcoming four-part zine, Important Magazine, which is filled with rather important information. You will also find links to things I have published elsewhere on the tubes, as well as a blog with which I endeavour to promise to try to attempt to vomit every thought that enters my inner monologue through my fingers and into your eyeballs.
For those interested, yes, I do take writing jobs. Make me an offer I can’t refuse.
Infrequently Asked Questions
Q: Are you a good writer?
Q: Where are your books being published?
A: On reclaimed newspaper, distributed at the Congo Salubrité recycling plant, Américain Kankonda Tshikololo, Promoteur industriel, 1ère rue, Limete/Industriel.
Q: When exactly will your stories be released?
A: I plan to release them after they are written.
Q: Do you accept paid assignments?
A: Yes. And not just writing, I will also do basic household chores and income tax.
Q: Where do you live?
A: I live in Australia, a land with a rich history of a couple of hundred years of white people stealing it from non-white people and then complaining when more non-white people show up. I am also a citizen of the United States, which is in no way similar to the aforementioned situation.
Q: Where will the zine be published?
A: Electronically on this website in either PDF or .TXT format. Hardcopies will be available in limited dingy regions of Sydney that don’t notice me dropping them next to the lifestyle magazines.
Q: Will the zines be free?
A: You get what you pay for. So, yes. They will be free.
Q: Why do you call yourself hedgie?
A: Why is my friend Jim called Jim?
Q: Why don’t you capitalise your name?
A: I feel that the upper and lower case system serves to symbolically perpetuate the division between the bourgeoisie and the proletariat. Also, lower-case h’s are sexy. They have nice curves.
Q: Speaking of capitalisation, why does your spelling alternate between various types of English?
A: Like I said, I’m Australian and American. I get confused. I order kilometres of hamburgers and walk twenty ounces sometimes.
Q: What style is your writing?
A: It mainly uses the technique of arranging words to create sentences. It isn’t always successful.
Q: You say you study politics – what are your political leanings?
A: I lean as far back from politics as I can in order to avoid high blood pressure.
Q: All of your writing is shit.
A: How did you get inside my head?
Q: Who are your influences and role models?
A: Anyone who manages to push themselves into doing something they love even if they are scared of being shit at it (even if that fear is justified).